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Thread: Laughs

  1. #261
    Senior Member Country: Spain Rowdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve Crook View Post

    It always puzzled me that Adam and Eve were meant to be the ancestors of all humans.
    Errm, it isn't a true story. It's fiction / symbolic.

  2. #262
    Senior Member Country: Australia ShirlGirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve Crook View Post
    Errm, it isn't a true story. It's fiction / symbolic
    Steve
    Quote Originally Posted by Rowdon View Post
    Errm, it isn't a true story. It's fiction / symbolic.
    Whoever came up with the yarn simply didn't think it through properly.



    Quote Originally Posted by Marky B View Post
    A Tap on the Shoulder

    A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening News. . ....

    Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the kerb and stopped just inches from a large plate window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realise that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly." The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
    Ta Ta
    Marky B
    Good one, Mark!

  3. #263
    Senior Member Country: Australia ShirlGirl's Avatar
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    A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say, "It's okay, William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William." Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad." "Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."

  4. #264
    Senior Member Country: Spain Rowdon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShirlGirl View Post
    Yes there are many references to Seth de Lord in the Bible.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CdVTCDdEwI

  5. #265
    Senior Member Country: Australia ShirlGirl's Avatar
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    Nice reaction, thank-you, Rowdon! (That was a ShirlGirl original.)

  6. #266
    Senior Member Country: UK
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShirlGirl View Post
    A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say, "It's okay, William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William." Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad." "Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."
    Nice one,Shirl!
    Ta Ta
    Marky B

  7. #267
    Senior Member Country: Australia ShirlGirl's Avatar
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    A woman asks a man who is travelling with six children, "Are all these kids yours?"
    The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".

  8. #268
    Senior Member Country: Europe Bernardo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimw1 View Post
    I saw laughs and entered the thread. The humour escapes me on this one especially with the green white and gold flying in the corner.

  9. #269
    Senior Member Country: UK
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    Two hoodies from Grangetown went up to the Pearly Gates and asked St Peter if they could enter the kingdom of Heaven. St Peter was a bit doubtful and said he he would have to consult The Lord.
    "Holy Father there are two youths from Grangetown in Middlesbrough. I don't think they should be allowed in the Kingdom of Heaven."
    "That is for me to decide,St Peter,not you," scolded God.
    St Peter bowed his head in reverence and went away. Five minutes later,he came back. "Holy Father,they have gone!"
    "Who. The youths?"
    "No. The Pearly Gates."

    Ta Ta
    Marky B

    PS Grangetown is a rough area of Teesside - you can apply somewhere else similiar.

  10. #270
    Senior Member Country: UK
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    https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rc...5C4Ezb_NowUtww

    Ode to a fart by Rabbie Burns
    Ta Ta
    Marky B

  11. #271
    Senior Member Country: Australia ShirlGirl's Avatar
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  12. #272
    Administrator Country: Wales Steve Crook's Avatar
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    Steve

  13. #273
    Senior Member Country: England phil's Avatar
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    She's got an ice bum!

  14. #274
    Senior Member Country: England phil's Avatar
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  15. #275
    Senior Member Country: England phil's Avatar
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  16. #276
    Super Moderator Country: UK batman's Avatar
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    2 balloons get married and have a baby balloon,
    1 night the baby balloon wants to cuddle up in bed with it's parents,
    it squeezes into the bed but there is not enough room,
    it lets a bit of air out of the mother balloon and tries again,
    still not enough room,
    it lets a bit of air out of the father balloon and tries again,
    still not enough room,
    the baby balloon then lets a bit of air out if itself,
    this wakes up the parent balloons,
    father balloon says,
    ''i am disappointed, you've let your mother down, you've let me down, but most of all, you've let yourself down''

  17. #277
    Senior Member Country: England
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FroICbwvJII

    Love this old French and Saunders sketch...not only is it very funny but the roster of famous musicians on display is incredible.

  18. #278
    Senior Member Country: England duffy moon's Avatar
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    Great clip...Gilmour just wants to finish that solo..great line up....shame Gary is no longer around.

  19. #279
    Senior Member Country: Australia ShirlGirl's Avatar
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    What did Zorba The Greek, Alexander The Great and Attila The Hun have in common?

      Spoiler:
    The same middle name

  20. #280
    Senior Member Country: UK
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    Hi,
    Saw a newspaper headline:PRIME MINISTER WORRIED OVER NUCLEAR PILES.

    I thought,"I bet they are painful!"


    Alan French.

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