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Thread: Laughs

  1. #121
    Senior Member Country: UK DB7's Avatar
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    In recognition of that most hated veg of the Christmas dinner:

    Attack of the Sprouts

  2. #122
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    name='DB7']In recognition of that most hated veg of the Christmas dinner:

    Attack of the Sprouts


    I feel awful, having scored 565 points killing sprouts.

    The surest way to kill sprouts is to overcook them, but I didn't have that option.

  3. #123
    Senior Member Country: UK DB7's Avatar
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  4. #124
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    name='DB7']In recognition of that most hated veg of the Christmas dinner:

    Attack of the Sprouts


    They are best served very fresh, then they don't have that aweful 'strong' taste - I love 'em - good anti-carcenogenic qualities I'm told.

  5. #125
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    name='Johnny English']I always thought there was a lot of in-breeding in France.



    What do you call a Frenchman with half a brain?

    Lucky!




    From the same genre as,

    "What do you call a beautiful girl in Poland?"

    Answer "A Tourist"



    Very unfair on Polish girls, many of them very nice:

  6. #126
    Senior Member Country: Australia
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    Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are on a camping trip. It is late by the time they have set up their tent so they decide to go straight to sleep.

    During the night Holmes and Watson both wake up at the same time.

    Sherlock turns to Watson and says "Look up there Watson and tell me what you see."

    Watson looks up and sees a cloudless night with thousands upon thousands of bright stars shining in the sky.

    "I see thousands of stars" Watson replied.

    Sherlock Holmes nodded. "And what does that tell you Watson?" he asked.

    "It shows the insignificance of human existance. We are but a small part of a vast universe. Our decisions, our choices, our lives are meaningless" replied Watson.

    Sherlock Holmes turned and looked at Dr. Watson, looked up at the sky and than back at Watson and said -

    "No, you idiot! It means someone has pinched our bloody tent".







    Dave.

  7. #127
    Senior Member Country: Australia
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    What do you call an England cricketer with 100 runs to his name?

    A bowler.



    What is the definition of optimism?

    An England batsman who puts suncream on.



    Why don't England fielders need pre-tour travel injections?

    Because they never catch anything.



    Boom-boom.



    Dave.

  8. #128
    Senior Member Country: UK Freddy's Avatar
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    If you want to know what your forum name looks like in Russian, type it in and you will be impressed. Makes you realise why so many great writers are Russian.



    http://www.callme.nm.ru/



    regards



    Freddy

  9. #129
    Senior Member Country: UK DB7's Avatar
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    name='David Brent']Boom-boom.



    Dave.


    Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.



    "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."



    The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.



    "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."




  10. #130
    Administrator Country: Wales Steve Crook's Avatar
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    name='Freddy']If you want to know what your forum name looks like in Russian, type it in and you will be impressed. Makes you realise why so many great writers are Russian.



    http://www.callme.nm.ru/



    regards



    Freddy


    Great stuff



    Steve

  11. #131
    Senior Member Country: UK DB7's Avatar
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    As my Christmas catalogues are dropping through the mailbox this seems the ideal thread for this (love the picture):



    Girl, 10, trapped in drain - Local News - News - Liverpool Echo.co.uk

  12. #132
    Super Moderator Country: UK batman's Avatar
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    The girl in the hole reminded me of this ...







    Bats.

  13. #133
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    Why just xmas????? Let us laugh all the year round. So Many great jokes. More please.



    __________________

    Hooked off the line

  14. #134
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    I'll invite you all to my funeral , you probably need a good laugh!

  15. #135
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    Feel very sorry for the drain!!!!!

  16. #136
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    Might be a long way to come Joe, not for many years hopefully.

  17. #137
    Senior Member Country: UK DB7's Avatar
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    Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.



    When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,





    'You Sign! You sign!'





    Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.





    Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,





    'You Sign! You sign!'





    Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face.





    The next day he hears a knock at the door again.





    When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.





    He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,





    'You sign! You sign!'





    Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:





    'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.





    The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.





    On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,





    'You sign! You sign!'





    Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.





    This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:





    'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'





    The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:











    (It's a beauty)















    (Wait for it)

















    (Get your best Chinese accent ready)

















    'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

  18. #138
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    Bill and Ben the flowerpot men go into a pub for a drink. Ben said "flobba-lobba lob lob" and Bill said "no. I'll get these you're too pissed to be served"

  19. #139
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    A man visits the doctor and says "I keep finding myself singing the green green grass of home" The doctor replied "it looks to me that you might have Tom Jones syndrome".

    "Is it common" the man asked. The doctor replied "It's not unusual"

  20. #140
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