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Thread: Laughs

  1. #1461
    Senior Member Country: Ireland jimw1's Avatar
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    Novelist Polly Clarke is Visiting Craggy Island

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCJK_yDAeOM

  2. #1462
    Senior Member moonfleet's Avatar
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    From french MSN front page:

    Agrandir l'image
    AFP
    Les J.O � Paris
    Paris accueillera les JO de 2012 !
    Cette v�ritable bombe m�diatique vient d'exploser ce matin � Lausanne si�ge du Comit� International Olympique. Petit rappel concernant cet imbroglio politico-sportif, Paris s'�tait lanc� il y a plus de 4 ans dans un dernier recours en justice, celui-ci aboutit alors que plus personne n'y croyait !
    Pourquoi a-t-on retir� les Jeux � Londres ? Apr�s les d�clarations fracassantes des anciens ministres des sports de la Tunisie, de l'Egypte et de la Libye preuve a �t� apport�e que leurs votes avaient �t� achet�s pour orienter leurs choix � destination de la capitale de la perfide Albion ( la bien nomm�e).
    Le CIO n'aura donc pas train�, il retire imm�diatement les jeux � Londres pour les confier � Paris , et l'on entend d�j� les bouchons de champagne sauter dans le bureau du maire Bertand Delano�.
    Il reste donc un peu plus de 15 mois � Paris pour reprendre son projet et mettre � jour ses infrastructures afin d'accueillir la grande f�te mondiale du sport.
    Petit rappel en images des principaux sites olympiques pr�vus initialement dans la candidature parisienne.

    ===> The Olympic Comitee has finally decided (under international pressures) that the 2012 games will take place in Paris !!!

    Ha,ha ... it took me a sec to realise that it was a 1st April joke.
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    Last edited by moonfleet; 01-04-11 at 08:45 PM.

  3. #1463
    Senior Member Country: UK Mr Sloane's Avatar
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    A man was getting ready to close his shop for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.
    He yells to him, "This is a stick-up! Put all your money in this bag!"
    The scared the man pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!"
    The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the till!"
    HE says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"
    The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the the man's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!"
    "Anything!" cries the shopkeeper "Just don't shoot!"
    The man starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun.
    Man sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Keep hold the gun. Somebody might come in!"

  4. #1464
    Senior Member Country: UK
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    From the paper:
    In a recent survey, Italian women were asked whether they would sleep with Silvio Berlusconi. 30% replied 'Yes'.
    70% said: "What, again?"
    Last edited by sippog; 08-04-11 at 05:53 PM.

  5. #1465
    Senior Member Country: UK Mr Sloane's Avatar
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    What's the definition of countryside ?

    Shooting Piers Morgan.

  6. #1466
    Super Moderator Country: UK batman's Avatar
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    As it's half-term .... what do gingerbread kids do at half-term? They break up!

  7. #1467
    Senior Member Country: United States will.15's Avatar
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    What does NFL players and Britmovie members have in commom?
    Locked out.

  8. #1468
    Senior Member Country: Australia Corinne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by will.15 View Post
    What does NFL players and Britmovie members have in commom?
    Locked out.
    Can't leave it alone can you. You are a sad person.

  9. #1469
    Senior Member Country: United States will.15's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Corinne View Post
    Can't leave it alone can you. You are a sad person.
    What's the big deal? It's over and was when I posted that and I knew it was because fun and games was no longer locked. When did you get so serious?

  10. #1470
    Senior Member Country: Australia Corinne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by will.15 View Post
    What's the big deal? It's over and was when I posted that and I knew it was because fun and games was no longer locked. When did you get so serious?
    Well I apologise if your intentions were pure but from what I can see of the subject matter, it seems that a man has set up a website for like-minded people to meet, enjoy, & share each others appeal of Britmovies. When someone comes on board & complains & others join in I find it cruel & insulting to the owner of the site. When I am asked to pay something towards the running of the site then I might request a continuance of a particular forum, but until then I am indebted to DB7 & the other mods who give their time freely & often, with a kick up their wotsits for their effort.

  11. #1471
    Senior Member Country: Australia ShirlGirl's Avatar
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    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

    This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her attentive stare and walked directly over to her. Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 - on one condition."

    Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

    The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed a $20 note from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said....

      Spoiler:
    "Clean my house."

  12. #1472
    Senior Member Country: Australia ShirlGirl's Avatar
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    I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

    'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

    'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

    'No, I don't waste time shopping', the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

    'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

    'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

    'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

    The homeless woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

    I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

  13. #1473
    Senior Member moonfleet's Avatar
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  14. #1474
    Senior Member Country: UK frame69's Avatar
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    I never,repeat never ever watch talent shows but if they were more interesting then.....

    YouTube - Whitney Houston Vers�o Hallowen - Gritos e Gargalhadas em Show de Novos Talentos!

    Have a great weekend....Frame.

  15. #1475
    Senior Member Country: UK Chevyman's Avatar
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  16. #1476
    Senior Member Country: UK
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    **WARNING - old lady swearing!**

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-bqu4g75vg

  17. #1477
    Senior Member Country: United States will.15's Avatar
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    Bin Laden on

    GILLIGAN's ISLAND

    Bin Laden: I will use this island as my new base to plan attacks against America. Which one of you is a virgin?

    Mrs Howell: I am a married woman!

    Mr. Howell: Well, she practically is

    Ginger: I played a virgin once. Hardest acting I ever did.

    Mary Ann: My lover is a phallic made of cocoanut.

    Gilligan: I am a virgin.

    Bin Laden: Then you shall be my bride!

    (Bin Laden picks up Gilligan and carries him to a hut)

    Gilligan: Help! Help! Skipper!

    Skipper: Hang in there, little buddy!
    (To the Professor): Shouldn't we tell him Gilligan isn't a woman?

    Professor: I thought Gilligan was a woman

  18. #1478
    Senior Member Country: United States will.15's Avatar
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    The Marx Brothers in
    A NIGHT AT BIN LADEN' HOUSE

    Groucho: (looking at Harpo) Are you sure this man is a Navy Seal?

    Chico: Sure I am sure. Show him you're a seal

    (Harpo honks his horn. Chico throws Harpo a fish who catches it with his mouth and swallows it)

    Groucho: That is not the kind of seal I had in mind.

    (Harpo reaches into Groucho's pocket and takes his wallet)

    Chico: (to Harpo): No! No! He say "seal," not "steal."

    (Harpo gives Groucho the wallet)

    Groucho: That's very thoughtful, but there seems to be something missing.

    Chico: What?

    Groucho: The fifty dollar bill that was inside.

    Chico: I can't believe that! My own brother!

    Groucho: That he's a thief?

    Chico: No, he hasn't given me my share.

    (Harpo tears the bill in half and gives half to Chico)

    Chico: That's better.

    Groucho: What about me?

    Chico: Give the man his cut.

    (Harpo takes out pinking shears and cuts a corner from the bill and gives it to Groucho)

    Groucho: You know, since it was my money to begin with, I should get all of it.

    Chico: Don't be greedy.

    Groucho: Enough of this! Are you going to take out Bin Laden out or not?

    Chico: Sure we'll take him out. How does dinner and a picture sound?
    Last edited by will.15; 09-05-11 at 09:53 AM.

  19. #1479
    Senior Member Country: United States will.15's Avatar
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    Bin Laden on
    I LOVE LUCY

    Ethel: Oh, Lucy! What will Ricki say when he finds out Bin Laden is hiding in your closet?

    Lucy: He's not going to say anything because I am not going to tell him. Besides he won't be there much longer. His friends will be here in fifteen minute to give us five million dollars, then we can dump our husbands and live openly as lesbians.

    Ethel: But Lucy...

    Lucy: You love me, don't you?

    Ethel: Of course I do. Fred makes me sick.

  20. #1480
    Senior Member Country: UK Chevyman's Avatar
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    Osama Bin Laden............anagram.............Lob da man in sea:-)

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