Page 8 of 80 FirstFirst ... 6789101858 ... LastLast
Results 141 to 160 of 1594

Thread: Laughs

  1. #141
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    123
    Liked
    0 times
    Just outside London in a small market garden there were two carrots in the ground side by



    side. They got to know each other well and as the weeks went by they fell in love. Their



    relationship blossomed with the result that a baby carrot started to grow between them.



    But it was a petulant child never listening to reason and it was'nt long before it said "sod this



    for a lark, I can't stay in the ground all my life. I'm off!" and with that it pulled itself out of the



    ground and ran off. Unfortunately it had never seen a road before and got hit by a car as it



    started to cross. He was rushed to hospital where doctors fought to save it. Eventually a



    doctor came out to see the parents. "Mr and Mrs Carrot?" he said. "the good news is that



    after 6 hours of surgery we have managed to stabilise him but I'm sorry to say....





































    ....He'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

  2. #142
    Senior Member Country: UK DB7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    9,605
    Liked
    151 times




    Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."



    "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "So, what do you do for a living?



    "I'm a hit man," was the reply.



    "You're joking!" was the response.



    "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."



    "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here " So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.



    "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! I can see right in the window. Wow. I can see my wife in the bedroom! Ha Ha! She's naked!! Wait a minute...that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!!



    He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"



    "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."



    "Can you do two for me now?"



    "Sure, what do you want?"



    "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth." Then hit the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."



    The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still, perfectly motionless for a few moments.



    "Are you going to do it or not?!" said the friend impatiently.







    "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."

  3. #143
    Senior Member Country: UK
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    740
    Liked
    6 times
    name='DB7']



    'You not Nissan Main Deala?'


    Reminds me of the one about the explosion in the Japanese car factory . .

    For days it was raining Datsun cogs!

  4. #144
    Administrator Country: Wales Steve Crook's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Posts
    29,749
    Liked
    418 times
    name='sippog']Reminds me of the one about the explosion in the Japanese car factory . .

    For days it was raining Datsun cogs!




    Steve

  5. #145
    Senior Member Country: England
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,570
    Liked
    0 times
    name='DB7']



    "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."


    I need the images in my mind moderating!

  6. #146
    Super Moderator Country: UK batman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    27,595
    Liked
    255 times
    Sherlock Holmes was painting the front door of 221b. Watson comes home and says 'What a lovely shade of yellow, Holmes'. Holmes replies, 'It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson'.



    Bats.

  7. #147
    Senior Member Country: Great Britain
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    1,386
    Liked
    4 times
    name='batman']Sherlock Holmes was painting the front door of 221b. Watson comes home and says 'What a lovely shade of yellow, Holmes'. Holmes replies, 'It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson'.



    Bats.


    I like it Bats!

  8. #148
    Senior Member Country: England
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,570
    Liked
    0 times




    Scene cut from Jurassic Park: Velociraptours devour a Barney!

  9. #149
    Super Moderator Country: UK batman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    27,595
    Liked
    255 times




    Bats.

  10. #150
    Senior Member Country: UK
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,252
    Liked
    5 times
    Its like the irish women who took 2 pills To be sure.. To be sure.

  11. #151
    Senior Member Country: UK
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    585
    Liked
    0 times
    A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a beer. The landlord says " Hey we have a whiskey named after you".



    The white horse replies "Really? Cyril?"



    ___________________

    Hooked off the line

  12. #152
    Senior Member Country: UK DB7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    9,605
    Liked
    151 times
    [YOUTUBE]VQQS-0ZOMcg[/YOUTUBE]

  13. #153
    Senior Member Country: UK
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    585
    Liked
    0 times
    No. Still Waiting.

  14. #154
    Super Moderator Country: UK batman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    27,595
    Liked
    255 times
    name='DB7'][youtube]VQQS-0ZOMcg[/youtube]


    Excellent! You should transfer this over to the halloween 'debate'.



    Bats.

  15. #155
    Super Moderator Country: UK batman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    27,595
    Liked
    255 times
    name='lordtednfs']No. Still Waiting.


    Have you clicked on the arrow in the middle of the screen?



    Bats.

  16. #156
    Super Moderator Country: Fiji
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    4,798
    Liked
    114 times
    I met the man who invented the crossword today.



    Can't recall his name for the life of me. It's P something T something R .....





    Smudge

  17. #157
    Senior Member Country: England
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,570
    Liked
    0 times
    name='DB7'][YOUTUBE]VQQS-0ZOMcg[/YOUTUBE]


    Frightened the b****y life out of me!

  18. #158
    Senior Member Country: Australia
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    3,099
    Liked
    1 times
    name='Joenoir']Frightened the b****y life out of me!


    Not recommended for anyone with a weak heart.....or bladder!



    Dave.

  19. #159
    Senior Member Country: UK
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,252
    Liked
    5 times
    name='David Brent']Not recommended for anyone with a weak heart.....or bladder!



    Dave.


    You warn them now.

  20. #160
    Senior Member Country: UK
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,252
    Liked
    5 times
    There's a load of these on You Tube, i'v come across loads looking up Ghosts as im fascinated in the paranormal.but i cant stand them as they are all under ghosts and the paranormal and they are just sick jokes, my mum nearly died of fright when she seen one of these jokes.

Page 8 of 80 FirstFirst ... 6789101858 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts