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  1. #1
    Senior Member Country: UK DB7's Avatar
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    The Human Factor

    23:55 to 01:45: Tuesday 18th December on BBC 1

    Great Expectations

    13:15 to 15:25: Wednesday 19th December on Channel 4

    Carry on Cowboy

    13:40 to 15:25: Thursday 20th December on Channel 4

    One For The Road

    01:00 to 02:35: Friday 21st December on Channel 4

    Tales From The Crypt

    01:20 to 02:50: Saturday 22nd December on BBC 1

    The Heroes of Telemark

    15:00 to 17:30: Saturday 22nd December on Bravo

    The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

    21:25 to 23:05: Saturday 22nd December on BBC 2

    An American Werewolf in London

    22:50 to 00:45: Saturday 22nd December on Sky One

    Second Best

    01:30 to 03:20: Sunday 23rd December on Channel 4

    The Great St Trinian's Train Robbery

    10:45 to 12:30: Sunday 23rd December on ITV1

    The Full Monty

    21:00 to 22:40: Sunday 23rd December on Sky One

  2. #2
    Administrator Country: Wales Steve Crook's Avatar
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    You missed the "so bad it's wonderful" Hawk the Slayer on Sat 22 Dec at 00:55 on BBC2



    A tale of sorcery and intrigue that is so convoluted nobody can (be bothered to) work out the plot. It ostensibly stars Jack Palance as the baddie and John Terry as the hero but it's the others that make it so wonderful. Like Bernard Breslaw as Gort the Giant and Ray Charleston as Crow, the Elf with the rapid fire bow & arrow.



    Steve





    A few samples of user comments from the IMDb (bad spelling retained):

    There are crusty old cynics out there who dare to suggest that Legolas, in Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings, shoots his bow a tad too quickly to be truly realistic. Oh my god, they've seen nothing; nothing to compare to the hilarious nonsense that is Hawk the Slayer.



    But ohmygod, there's more. Bernard Bresslaw � yes the big guy from the Carry On films � as a giant. The corpse of Jack Pallance re-animated for one week only to play � of all things � Hawk's evil brother! Ray Charleson as (pause) Crooow, the amphetamined up elfin type. And let's not forget William Morgan Sheppard � the only man in the middle ages to have a crossbow complete with an AK47-style magazine cartridge � "When you absolutely have to kill every MF in the goddamn room, except no substitutes!" What were they thinking? What could they have been thinking?! You also have to wonder what the cast and crew thought when they sat down to watch the post-production cut of this movie. The comedy fantasy names, the dry ice, the tree-lined, side-of-the-motorway set, the disco soundtrack, Jack Pallance looking like nothing so much as John Wayne holding his mighty weapon. They had unleashed a monster. Would any of them survive it? Terry Marcel clearly didn't; a year later he was making the British TV series Bergerac � the directorial equivalent of being sent to the Russian Front.



    Technically, it has ambitions that far outweigh its meagre budget, and this is evident in the relentless run of mistakes, falling scenery, blatantly fake backdrops, obvious use of the same set (despite purporting to be a different location: check out Hawk's journey through the forest, he rides past the tree covered in skulls about three times!), pathetic special/trick effects (silly string, fluorescent baubles, those 'things' in the forest of doom, the silly use of reverse photography to capture the gravity-defying wonder of the 'mind-sword'), terrible editing (the knives seem to strike the enemy before they've even been thrown in the first place), baffling use of fast-motion and dismal sets.



    The script is laughable: very derivative, hopelessly corny and very portentous. The acting is poor: either wildly hammy (step forward, Jack Palance) or barely awake (John Terry, who only snaps out of his slumber twice throughout the entire film, both instances being the lines when the swears that Voltan will die by his hand/the sword). The dwarf isn't really that small, the giant isn't really that tall, Voltan's mask looks suspiciously like a Medieval knock-off of Darth Vader's and what's with that hula hoop that acts as a matter transporter? Admittedly, there are also dull spots here and there.



    Director Terry Marcel has no idea how to grip a viewer, and the dialogue that appears to be intentionally comic comes off as staggeringly banal. Yet it's when the film plays it totally straight (well, maybe) that Hawk accidentally crosses the line and becomes something very special indeed. Its very flaws end up becoming its virtues. Jack Palance must have been on something during the filming of this, because his performance is beyond wild. He scowls, he growls, he commits dastardly acts of violence to bread, he looks about forty years older than Hawk, yet we're supposed to believe they're brothers! Every line he delivers is a nugget of gold. John Terry as Hawk is pretty dull, though his total lack of emotion provides amusement when his character goes through times that would test the spirit of any normal human being. Extra mention must go to the actor who plays Voltan's evil son Drogo: he's the one who gets the wonderful 'Message of Death' line halfway through the film, while Roy Kinnear shows up for one scene and out acts everyone in the entire film.



    The action is badly staged: one sequence takes place in a snowstorm, yet the snow is so thick, the camera lens so drenched in Vaseline and the editing so shambolic that it's difficult to tell just what is going on. The long-awaited final conflict between Hawk and Voltan is hopelessly unexciting and dragged out in slow-motion.



    Hawk the Slayer's script is a near-relentless spree of hilarity: witness the warrior's account of how Voltan's soldiers destroyed his home village, cringe at the overcooked machoism of Hawk's duels, play a drinking game based on the amount of times the word 'death' is used (there's loads: the coldness of death, the gates of death, the message of death, the river of death...), and watch your jaw-drop at the film's best scene when Hawk and his buddies are tied up and Voltan wants to know where the gold is. Here's where nearly all the film's best lines can be found, and interestingly, the scene is almost filmed in one take, but the camera barely moves, so don't expect anything along the lines of Scorcese.



    Hawk the Slayer is a great bad film, carefully treading the line between parody and straight-faced stinker. Jack Palance seems to be the only one here who knows the score, and he looks like he's having a great time. Terry Marcel and Harry Robertson, shame on you. You've created one of the worst films ever made. On the other hand, here's to you, you've created a comic masterpiece!

  3. #3
    Senior Member Country: UK
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    Is this an unknown P&P film, discovered after all these years??

  4. #4
    Administrator Country: Wales Steve Crook's Avatar
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    name='stevie boy']Is this an unknown P&P film, discovered after all these years??
    No, there are some films made by other people that I like

    But this one really is a case of "so bad you can't stop watching it". It's car-crash cinema



    Steve

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